The BRHL draft is important. But mock drafts? Those are really fucking important. One might argue they are the most important part of the league. And that argument would be correct. Last week, via podcast, Bryce and I embarked on a mock draft volley. A veritable tennis match of who-will-take-who and a mind melding display of future prognosticating. And the results? Well, let’s go back to the tape (as they say), analyze what transpired and see who picked it best.

 

 

Pick 1 - Nico Hischier (Canucks)

Bryce Pick: Nico Hischier / Greg Pick: Elias Petterson

 

He did it everyone. Bryce correctly picked the 1^st overall pick in the draft. He truly IS a hockey genius. Although he did predict there would be a trade that didn’t happen. So he’s actually a moron. Just like me. Yet, Bryce wins this one. Although, I will say, I’m still surprised Rob totally fucked this up. Mostly for me.

 

 

Pick 2 – Elias Petterson (Ducks)

Bryce Pick: Elias Petterson / Greg Pick: Nico Hischier

 

“Screw the pooch”. In the United States, that’s an idiom that means “to make an embarrassing mistake.” You know, like farting on a crowded bus, walking into a glass door while holding a wedding cake, or actually fucking a dog. But equally as embarrassing, is getting the first two picks of this draft wrong. Which almost seems impossible to do. But I did it! Congratulations to me. Bryce wins this one again.

 

 

Pick 3 – Casey Middlestadt (Canadians)

Bryce Pick: Eeli Tolvanen/ Greg Pick: Casey Middlestadt

 

Redemption city, baby! This was the biggest no-brainers of all no brainers. There was no way Casey (don’t call me Malcom) in the Middle(stadt) was slipping past 3. No. Fucking. Chance. Bryce was blinded by his Tolvanen love so much, he couldn’t see he was making a horrible error. The Lightning have to be kicking themselves a little bit that they missed out on the potential of this big of a game changer. P.S. I win this one.

 

 

Pick 4 – Nolan Patrick (Oilers)

Bryce Pick: Miro Heiskanen/ Greg Pick: Nolan Patrick

 

After Day 1 of the draft, I had some conversations with people on the side reflecting upon some selections. A few people mentioned they were surprised Leon took Patrick at 4. Interesting. Know who wasn’t surprised? Me. Because I called it, bitches! Patrick started off slow, but got better as the year went on. And he’s on a good Flyers team that is only getting better. Like I told Bryce, defense is boring. And Leon Yu doesn’t do boring. I win.

 

 

Pick 5 – Eeli Tolvanen (Capitals)

Bryce Pick:  Lias Andersson / Greg Pick:  Lias Andersson

 

You know what happened here? Larry looked at everyone in the league, pulled out his ball bag and said, “Fuck all of you kids and your fancy VCR’s, compact disc machines and floppy discs. THIS old man still has some tricks up his sleeve.” I mean, classic bait and switch by Larry. It was so easy, and we all fell for it.  He even toyed with us on draft day and said, “I afraid Rex is going to move up to take Andersson.” Well played. We were all so blinded by our own cleverness to see it. Bryce and I both lose. Larry wins.

 

 

Pick 6 – Miro Heiskanen (Stoners)

Bryce Pick: Casey Middlestadt/ Greg Pick: Miro Heiskanen

 

During the 6^th pick of the draft, Bryce’s doorbell rang. Disgruntled, he got up from his desk, put on some underwear and then pulled on a tattered pair of Oilers sweatpants. Muttering Canadian swear words under his breath, he looked through the peephole and saw nothing. Exasperated he opened the door, and there, standing in his doorway, was a goat. This goat was smoking a cigarette and sporting an ill-fitting headband. He looked up at Bryce and said, “Rex is shoveling cow shit somewhere. He asked me to tell you to take that defenseman guy on Dallas or whatever.” Without saying a word, Bryce nodded, took off his pants and underwear and sat back down at his computer. True story. I win this one. 

 

 

Pick 7 – Robert Thomas (Vegas)

Bryce Pick: Nolan Patrick / Greg Pick: Martin Necas

 

We both got this very wrong. But in our defense, this came at the tail end of a blockbuster Matthews for Eichel deal. I had heard rumblings of this potential deal months ago. And wouldn’t you know, it happened. Thus fucking up our mock draft. I like Thomas a lot. Not as much as some other guys in this draft, but a solid pick. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that Joe and Ryan were very selfish here and ruined my mock draft. Thanks guy. Really cool.

 

Pick 8 – Garbiel Vilardi (Sabres)

Bryce Pick: Robert Thomas/ Greg Pick: Cody Glass

 

Double wrong. Didn’t see this one here. When the Sabres stepped up to the podium, Cody Glass stood up and started kissing his family. His mom. His grandma. He reached over and shook his dad’s hand, followed by a firm hug. And there was an attractive girl next to him that we couldn’t quite figure out if she was his sister or his girlfriend. But then Vilardi’s name got called out. A confused Glass could be seen muttering, “Fucking seriously?” and he sat back down. Both Bryce and I had Vilardi much later in this draft. But obviously Jarred didn’t. This will motivate Cody. Good luck to the Sabres when they face him.

 

 

Pick 9 – Conor Timmins (Ducks)

Bryce Pick: Cody Glass/ Greg Pick: Cale Makar

 

There’s a lot to digest here. I think you could have given us 20 mock drafts, and we never would have guessed Timmins in this spot. Like, ever. Tough to justify passing up Cody Glass, Martin Necas and a few others for Timmins. Trading up a spot for a guy Steve never would have considered taking here was excellent comedic fodder to an already confusing moment. Reminds me of when the Bears traded up to take Mitch Trubisky, and the 49ers were like, “Wait, what? Um, ok, sure.” According to Devon, Timmons was the lynchpin to his draft, so whatever. We all have strategies. So good for him on sticking with it. But the important thing here is that our mock drafts, are now really, REALLY fucked.

 

 

Pick 10 – Martin Necas (Canadians)

Bryce Pick: Cody Glass/ Greg Pick: Robert Thomas

 

Back in the late 1990’s, Adam Duritz (lead singer of the shit-tastic Counting Crows) dated Courtney Cox, and everyone was like, “What the fuck? How did that happen?” Then they broke up and he eventually started dating Jennifer Aniston. And everyone was like “Wait? What?” Then he ended up dating all of these really attractive women for the next 5 to 7 years. And honestly, the world still hasn’t recovered. That’s how the league feels about the Canadians landing both Middlestadt AND Martin Necas in the first round.

 

 

Pick 11 – Owen Tippett (Sharks)

Bryce Pick: Juuso Valimaki/ Greg Pick: Juuso Valimaki

 

Imagine if scientists from Harvard, MIT and whatever free, bullshit Canadian farm college people this is great got together and held a press conference. They then proceeded to tell the world that after extensive research, Kyrie Irving was in fact right. The world IS flat. That sadness, confusion and denial you would feel is how I feel about this Owen Tippett pick. Passing on a potentially stud Finn, Lias Anderssen  and, you know Cody fucking Glass, to take Tippett is an emotional roller coaster we’re all still riding on.

 

Pick 12 – Cody Glass (Maple Leafs)

Bryce Pick: Cale Makar/ Greg Pick: Robert Thomas

 

Finally. I didn’t envision Glass falling this far. But I imagine Garrett was fully engorged when it was time to pick. Then again, I imagine Garrett is fully engorged most of the time. So it’s tough to tell if this time it was because of the draft or because of a warm, summer breeze.

 

 

 

(Like I alluded to earlier, our mock drafts are now thoroughly fucked. After 12 picks, I have made three (3) correct selections. Bryce has made two (2). Before this turns into a 5,000 word article, I’m going to fast forward to the next pick that one of us actually picked correctly. )

 

 

Pick 21 – Erik Brannstrom

Bryce Pick: Erik Brannstrom/ Greg Pick: Michael Rasmussen

 

BIG AL!!! Making his first-ever BRHL draft pick, he makes a good one. Bryce nailed this one after 18 straight swings and misses. I thought Brannstrom was going earlier. But in a draft where Andersson fell, Timmons rose and Anthony didn’t draft a single Flyer, I suppose it’s just par for the course.

 

 

And guess what? Neither Bryce nor I made another correct pick for the remainder of the first round. So ultimately, after lots of bluster, analysis and fanfare, the final mock draft score is:

 

Bryce: 3

Greg: 3

 

I’m sure there’s a HILARIOUS overtime/shootout joke to be made here. I encourage you all to make a joke in your head now and give yourselves a moment to laugh at your comedic brilliance. Go ahead. You've earned it.

 

 

This 3–3 score says a few things to me. The first, I know just as much about hockey as Bryce does. But that’s pretty obviously. Second, mock drafts might be bullshit.

 

 

Ha. Just kidding. They are everything. And don’t you idiots forget it.

 

 

Who’s selling picks for 2019?